Summer Vacation during Divorce and Separation

Summer Vacation during divorce and separation can be one of the most overlooked; yet; powerful times we have to bond with our children. This is also a great negotiation point within the divorce and separation sphere.

The Benefits of Summer Vacation

Children look forward to summer as the time to play, get out of school, take new adventures and relax from the yearly grind. Parents look forward to going on trips, playing sports with the children, taking them on trips to new and wonderous things and spending that special time.

This is needed for both the parents and the children to come together in a fun lighthearted adventure. This creates a bond that the children will remember forever. Many people recall swimming, camping, hunting, shopping and the multitude of other binding times with their parents. Do you remember yours?

Summers can be the time the parents can negotiate for more or less time with the children. Many times, the children are with the custodial parent (the one with whom they predominately live with) and this is stressful to always have children underfoot. You need a break, a time to set back and take “me time” and go out with other adults. The opposite goes for the non-custodial parent (the one with whom sees the children normally less frequent) as they need more time with the children.  Wait don’t get ahead of me, but you see where this is going.  Use this time to take a break and let the other parent take some time. So, go to the spa for a day and relax, while they worry about getting baths, is dinner ready and the hurry up we’re late.

How can Summer Vacation be Negotiated

A couple has a hard time working out when they get quality time with the children. If the custodial parent takes the majority of the time throughout the school year; then negotiate for a larger piece of summer vacation. Many people can take blocks of time off for vacation and this is perfect. Work out an arrangement for two weeks, a month or the entire summer to be spent with the non-custodial parent.

This works great for long distance separations and it gives the other parent the time to spend quality bonding time with the children. So, if a co-parenting arrangement of 3 days a week or every other weekend plus one day during the week just doesn’t work. Take every other weekend and then several weeks during the summer to balance out the time. This way you save on travel back and forth, which is distasteful to everyone including the kids, or save on air fare.

What are Some Common Options

Your options during the summer are endless. Some of the more common arrangements we have seen are:

• swap the children every other week (1-week each)
• swap the children every other week (2-weeks each)
• Also swap 3-week and 4-weeks
• one parent gets the end of May after school and June the other parent July and August till school starts
• The non-custodial parent gets all June and July
• The non-custodial parent gets from the week after school is out in May and returns them the week before school starts in August.
• The co-parenting schedule changes to a 4-day weekend every other week for the non-custodial parent.
• The co-parenting schedule changes to (2-3-2), (3-4-3), (2-2+alternating weekends), etc.
• And this list could go on for two more pages

The point is, use the summers to find time for the custodial parent to take a break and the non-custodial parent to spend quality time with the children.

Is this Beneficial

Again, I will quote many psychologists: YES!! The children need time to build a relationship with both parents and if time is desired and during the regular part of the year is not workable, use the summer vacation.

Children need this time apart from you as well. Yep, I said that. In a two-parent household, children commonly run to the other parent when they need extra attention, get in trouble with a parent or need someone new to listen to them. Children benefit by having this bonding time and grow-up more rounded and feeling less of a loss.

What is the Down Side

Let’s look at it in financial terms. Who is paying for a car at 16? Who is paying for prom? Who is paying for college? Who is spending money for the child’s wedding?

Parents who have been ostracized from the child often do not help with anything, except that which the court mandates. The above is rarely, if ever, mandated by the court. Its in your best interest to help the bonding of the child and the non-custodial parent.

What if, God forbid, you get sick or even die? Your spouse has first rights to the children above all other family regardless of your will. If the children have been ostracized, it will be a HUGE shock to them when they move. Worst off, will the other parent walk-away and let the state take over and separate the children from each other and the rest of the family. Adoptive parents will normally take only one child and they’re not interested in making sure they keep in touch with your family.

The most horrific is; your child has a since of self they need to know. Your half and the other parent half, will your child grow up not knowing their other half? This causes a disconnect with them mentally and emotionally as there is part they do not know, except what their told and as we get older, we desire to know. Look at the internet today. People are searching everywhere for family they never knew.

Bottom Line

If you cannot make the regular school year work for co-parenting and giving quality time to both parents, and many cannot due to jobs, travel, etc. Take the summer vacation to make up for this time and have a well-rounded child who is ready for life and knows who they are fully.