Travel and Communication in Divorce or Separation

Travel and communication in divorce or separation . When people travel with children, the other parent is concerned about their safety and welfare. You have the power to put this fear at rest by simply communicating where you are going, what you will be doing (as best you can) and where you will be staying.

Why is this important

Many times, divorced and separated parents have a hard time letting the children go on adventures. Most of the time it is tied to “where are the kids”. Parents are usually more accommodating when the other parent has communicated who, what, when, where, and how long. This puts many fears to rest and you have less arguing, more cooperation and less worry.

Children are prone to getting into trouble and getting hurt. Go figure their kids. If you have not communicated where you are going, a serious issue arises, how will they notify the other parent to get help for the children? This is a primal fear.

If you have not communicated and there is an issue you are not aware of like:

• your son has developed asthma around evergreen trees and needs an inhaler;
• your daughter is deadly allergic to shelf fish, but you want to go to the ocean;
• a child has had a drowning incident and has become afraid of water, but your headed to White Water Bay.

You see where this is going. Both parents may not have informed the other of details that could be of essential importance. Myself, being a guy, didn’t think of my daughter when she was 14 and went on a camping trip. Man did I have a rude awaking at 4am in a tent. Some things are just not thought of or remembered, so, communicating is the only way to find out.

Can leaving the State be a Crime

Yes, it can.!! There are several laws both State and Federal, that are specific to divorced and separated parents leaving the State, Country and even a certain distance from the home range with the children. Just because you have the term “full custody” or “primary custody” may not give you carte blanche to leave your home range. Consult an attorney for more specifics. These are there because some people have had ulterior motives and did bad things. You must have permission from the other parent to travel outside your home range, which varies from State-to-State, and always when leaving the State, moving out of state and when leaving the country.

Communication is Key

The best way to travel with children is to have the parent staying behind to sign a simple release to allow the children to travel. This is simple, inexpensive and easy to do. Write up a letter listing every one’s name, age and a simple statement about “your divorced or separated but both parents have agreed to allow the children to travel”. Now, list to where, from where and the date range you will be traveling. Then add that the parents will communicate (and do so) if something happens to cause a delay. HAVE THIS LETTER NOTORIZED BY BOTH PARENTS.!!! This is easy to do at any bank, tag agency or by mobile notary and costs about $10 – $20. This avoids any issues and makes it clear to any doctor, law enforcement, state park patrol, or nosey body that wishes to question anything.

Allow the children to call, text, skype or send smoke signals to the other parent. This will alleviate some worries and concerns allowing both of you to enjoy your time. Please, even if the child is not having a great time. Encourage them to try an have fun. They will remember this the rest of their lives and both you, the other parent and the child needs this.

Common Issues that Arise

An issue that commonly arises that is damaging to the separated relationship is when the traveling parent brings along other persons that are not announced. This sets fear and alarms for the other parent. Announce and try to work out an understanding of anyone traveling with the children. This goes a long way in communication.

Another issue that arises is communicate if anything happens. Yes, children break their arm but arriving home with a broken arm is like nothing else the parent will ever experience. Call them immediately if something serious arises and let them know where you are at. Many trips have been saved by the non-traveling parent getting to see the child with a doctor whom assures them it’s all OK.

Again, another issue is DO NOT ARRIVE EARLY without first notifying. I have heard more than once a parent whom thought they had the day free and made plans or ran a tub of bubbles and here come the kids through the door. This causes grief as their plans were just shot down and now, they get to go make dinner. Be respectful and communicate if you’re early or late.

On the aforementioned dinner issue. Do not return the children home without first feeding them. Many co-parents have a hard time allowing children to travel because the children are returned hungry at the end of the day. Now, the household must cook again, go out to eat or make sudden plan changes. Be respectful and responsible and feed kids as they can always eat a burger and ice cream. This gives you further bonding time and a way to make life long memories