Divorce and Family Mediation Negotiating

When you’re going through a divorce there are many things that must be negotiated between the couple. The largest obstacle we see are people who come into the mediation with only one idea and only one solution to resolve the division of assets, debts, child custody, co-parenting, etc. This is one of the worst ideas as it sets you up for failure when there are many solutions to the problem.

One Solution Only Produces One Answer

One solution usually produces a single “Yes” or “No” answer and then where do we go?  Instead, try to spend a little time prior to the mediation to see what you are willing to negotiate to get what you want. Each party must think about what is best for themselves but with a little give and take, you can both walk away happy. Compare that to being in front of a judge who gives you what they want may not be as palatable.

Think of it this way. If you want the car, you will normally assume the debt that comes with the car. Can you afford it? If you want the large screen TV, can you REALLY use it or is it just to hurt your soon to be former spouse.

It perfectly acceptable to walk into the mediation asking for many things but being able to negotiate or TRADE one thing for another is what gets you where you want. Trade the TV for say the washer and dryer which you need, will allow you to avoid the laundromat, save you money on purchasing a new one and simplify your life.

The same goes for the car. You may really like the car but if it comes with a $500 per month bill and that will stretch you very thin. Think about selling the car, letting the other party have it and take an older car with a lesser payment or even no payment.

Caution when asking for More

A word of caution about asking for things you may not want, especially with child co-parenting. I’ve seen people ask for overnights with the children without thinking of their work schedule. Every parent wants as much time as they can get but think more in how it will impact your life. If you work Friday through Tuesday from 3am till 1pm, is more afternoons or overnight beneficial.?? Is this beneficial to the children or you.?? Will the children just be watching you sleep.??

Think Creatively 

Instead think creatively. Consider picking them up Tuesday evening and keeping them till Thursday evening. This way you get quality time and are rested for work. Add a few evenings on the weekend to take them to a ball game. Creativity will give you and your children a better relationship.