Divorce Separation Child Exchange

Divorce Separation Child Exchange is a normal part of the separation and divorce process to maintain consistency for the children to see both parents. The child wants and needs to see both parents or feelings of abandonment, anger, sadness and other emotions of unwontedness arise. When a child, especially younger child, is restricted from one parent, these feelings can come on like a ton of bricks crushing the child’s emotional and psychological well-being.

Child exchange is always best when the child can see the parents be around each other without anger, yelling, violence or animosity. If possible, the best option is for one parent to pickup or deliver the child to or from the other parent at a familiar setting. When parents move several miles apart, exchange at a parent’s home may not be effective.

Exchange Locations

When distance or other problems exists, child exchange locations are the next best option. Making a normal, consistent, safe location will give the child a feeling of normalcy, safety, security and they know what is happening so it not such an unfamiliar environment.

Typical safe exchange locations are:

• Wal-Mart
• OnCue
• 7-11
• MacDonald’s
• Relative’s home (Grandparent, etc.)
• Civic Centers (when open and staffed)
• The child’s daycare or afterschool center (when open)
• The child’s or siblings’ school (when open)
• The local Police Station or Fire Department parking lot
• City/County established designated child exchange location

Word of Caution

A word of caution about using MacDonald’s or other child favorites. Though people use these places quite often, we have noticed many people expressing difficulty with children due to the child may expect to eat or play. This causes stress and aggravation between the child and parent which is sometimes better avoided and dependent on the child’s age.

Timely and Respectful

First off; be calm, upbeat, friendly, polite before and after the child exchange. This helps the child reduce stress and wards off feelings of anxiety, fear and abandonment. Hold your thoughts and expressions till after the child has departed.

Have any mediation listed out and detailed for the other parent as to be helpful so they’re not having to figure it out on their own. Don’t send a voluminous amount of personal property but do send plenty of clothes with the child to ease the packing and transportation.

Being on time is of the upmost importance. As the child waits in a car they get bored and anxious as well as does the other parent. If there is ANY delay, communicate this immediately as to avoid unwanted stress. Change your departure time or route as to accommodate your agreement. This will make your day better after exchange, reduce the child’s stress and prevent conflict between the parents.

Exchange Companion

Another helpful tool is to bring someone with you during the exchange. It’s best that this NOT be your new lover, spouse or an antagonist as these again create the conflict you’re trying to avoid and stresses the child even further. If you need a companion, bring a friend, family or neighbor.

Personal Property

Something that comes up quite often is the loss of clothes, toys and other property. Take an account of everything that came with the child: clothes, toys, school/ library books, homework, medication, electronic devices, strollers, carriers, etc. Please make note that everything that came with the child returns with the child on the next exchange. Parents do forget in the multitude of property that comes with the child and children do (whether intentional or accidental) forget or intentionally create a revisit. This is a completely avoidable stressor that once avoided makes the exchange much more palatable.

Unacceptable Child Delivery

When parents are exchanging children there are something you do not want the child to deliver to the other parent. These are alimony or child support payments, notes or correspondence whether verbal or written messages of a personal nature, important documents, legal papers, important school papers/notes, etc. Keep this type of delivery between you and the parent, even it if means you must talk to each other. The child is not FedEx not should they be placed in that position.

When it comes to school papers or notes, inform the other parent of this correspondence immediately. One thing that causes great aggravation is when a parent needs to make/bring food or supplies to the school and they get a very short notice shorted even further by your delay. This again is a stress that can be completely avoided. Send a text and attach a good picture or email the note as this keep an open line of communication about the child.