Divorce mediation is the most difficult yet most needed and rewarding peacemaking process. Fighting and arguing is not the answer and litigating in court puts your entire life on display, causes more damage to the family, and takes a huge amount of time and money.
The information provided here will apply to divorce, paternity, common law marriage and post-divorce modification, as all these case types will be very similar and need many of the same issues resolve. Each section can be handled as a whole or just part, that is your power in mediation.
Divorce Mediation
All marriages MUST be signed off by a judge whether you argue it out in court spending thousands or peacefully in divorce mediation and present the judge with your final agreement for his/her signature. Divorce Mediation helps you work through these issues and address everything a judge will want resolved, peacefully without all the wasted time, huge expense and stress.
- Attorneys and Judge in Complete Control
- No Exploring Options
- Your Opinion Doesn’t Matter
- Very Little Negotiating
- Rigid Date and Time Schedules
- Drags on for Months to Years
- Ever Escalating Costs - Avg $20,000+
- No Care about Continuing Emotion Stress
- You’re in Control of Everything
- We Explore Your Options
- Your Opinion will be Heard
- Negotiate to find your Best Option
- Conferences Around Your Schedule
- Completed within Weeks
- Keep Your Money not the Court - Avg less than $1,200
- Build a Working Relationship for your Child's Sake
Separation Agreement
A common issue that arises which will cause vast amounts of aggravation, hostility and stress is the process of separation. If you need to separate to make life more manageable, consider a separation agreement.
These agreements let both parties know how matters will be handled during the process of reconciliation, counseling, cooling-off or pre-divorce decree. Set boundaries, child co-parenting, visitation, bills, insurance and establish a guideline for many other family concerns during this uncertain period. These agreements can be handled virtual or in-person, ⇒ Contact Us ⇐.
Please NOTE: Temporary orders issued by the court many times exceed the maximum and put the couple into a very stressful situation causing more fighting and animosity. Strongly consider avoiding court temporary orders and trying to work together.
Property Division
The first step to start a resolution is usually property division. This generally entails; furniture, vehicles, pictures, appliances, boats, planes, tractors, jewelry, coin/stamp collections, clothes, lawn equipment, livestock, pets.
You are free to negotiate however you wish. You are not bound in mediation by what you can or cannot exchange or divide. As long as it is reasonable and equitable. Equitable means fair not necessarily equal (45/55).
Asset Division
Assets are usually considered: Houses, bank accounts, 401Ks, retirement accounts, rental properties, vacation properties, businesses/business assets, and high priced items.
These items may have a loan attached. Generally, the person who takes an asset takes any associated debt. This is a VERY good practice so that the ex-spouse cannot default on payment due to loss of a job or illness then you lose the asset to the lender. Another good practice is to refinance or payoff any associated debt, so again, if a future unforeseen problem arises, you can’t be held liable by the lender.
These items are commonly sold and the proceeds divided or pay off debts. A good start before mediation is to list these on a piece of paper and get a value for them. Some common places to find asset prices are:
www.kbb.com
www.nadaguides.com
www.bucvalu.com
www.boattrader.com
www.aircraftbluebook.com
www.plane-values.com
www.zillow.com
www.housevalues.com
Local realtors
Commercial business Appraisers
And there are many others
Debt Division
Debt Division is very common and does not always have an asset to go with it. Debt can be: credit cards, loans, repossession / foreclosure, personal guarantees, repayment to a retirement account, revolving line of credit and yes an asset that you both wish to sell which may have a positive or negative balance.
These debts must be handled for the judge as to not have a new case after the divorce is final. We must decide who is paying how much (100%, 50/50, 80/20, etc.) and when (after sale, payment plan, lump sum, etc.).
Child Custody
Child custody in divorce and paternity cases is an entire section of it’s own. Judges want to know: Who will the child live with primarily, When will each parent get to see the child , Who is responsible for registering for school and doctors and many other things.
Please understand this is not as simple as “I have custody and you can see them occasionally”. That does not work with judges. Custody is not one sided but a creation of a co-parenting plan that sets time for each parent to spend quality time with the child.
Child Support
Child support can be a heated, confusion and contested situation. Oklahoma, and most states, have a guideline that is used to figure this computation. It is based on the income of both parents, who pays insurance, how many over nights for each parent, other dependents, and about 20 other items, so that anyone without a Phd in mathematics has difficulty figuring it out.
There is a level of reasonable support and judges will not accept ANY unreasonable agreement. Being reasonable on both sides is in your best interest. Think of what is best for the child.
You will be required to fill out a DHS Computation Worksheet as required. DHS is not involved, just their online worksheet. Here is our Divorce Resource Page with the link.
Co-Parenting
Co-parenting is how you two parents will co-manage the child and their time. One part of co-parenting is called “visitation” or the time the child spends with the non-custodial parent.
Co-parenting is a better way to think about your relationship with each other and with your child. Many times biological parents will have a significant other or remarry, that doesn’t change the fact the child was part of another couple.
The child needs this attachment, in many cases, to have their self identity in life. The two of you will not be together anymore but the child needs support from their known other half.
You will be required to take a parenting class to help you learn how life will change for the child. There will be some great information in this class. Here is our Divorce Resource Page with the link.
Holidays / Special Days
Co-Parenting also includes holidays and special days that each parent wants to spend with the child.
Some very common School Special days:
Summer Break • Spring / Fall Break • School Breaks
Some very common holidays to resolve:
Christmas • Thanksgiving • Easter • New Years • Independence Day • Memorial Day • Mother’s and Father’s Day • The Child’s Birthday
Some important days may include:
Native American Holidays • Religious Holidays • Military Days • Heritage Days • Other Special Occasions
We create a customized co-parenting schedule to account for these special events. You have the ability to customize anything in mediation.
Alimony / Spousal Support
Alimony or spousal support, is another greatly heated debate. Some states have a schedule similar to child support but in Oklahoma, this is decided on several factors; some factors are:
- length of the marriage
- ability to pay support
- the need for support
- your ability to get a job
- your age, education and work background
- if you separated by cashing out the bank accounts
- the child’s health or special needs
Division of Tax Benefits
Tax benefits for children in mediation is mainly up to you. Commonly, parents alternate receiving the tax credit or if multiple children they each claim a child and so forth.
Parents have also been know to:
- Give up their tax benefit in lieu of something else they wish to negotiate such as; an asset or property
- Pay the tax benefit to a college fund
- Invest in 401k or annuities for the the child
- And many other creative methods
We are here to open the lines of communications so any option may be discussed and all options considered.
Customization Options
We can handle situations that may not even be considered in court. We have created many customized divorce plans for couples that have helped them handle unique situations.
- Native American Heritage
- Business Evaluations
- Home / Private Schooling
- College Funds
- Special Needs Child
- Payouts
- Real Estate Division
- Family Farm Distribution
- Inheritance Separations
- Adoptions
- Youth Car Purchases
- And Many other unique plans
Mediation - Do it for Them
Divorce, paternity and modification cases are complex issues that have several factors and many interests. A large majority of people who have used mediation find that after the case is over:
- they have a better working relationship with less fighting
- the child is not as stressed nor are you
- life gets back to normal faster with fewer issues
- there is more money on both sides
- fewer friends leave due to the stress and anguish
- extended family has less hostility toward ex-spouses
- 80% fewer trips to court after the divorce
Don't wait any Longer
Give us a call 405-765-8030 <<-Click| or send us a message on this form. We have experienced, quality professionals who will help you with most any issue or help you avoid potential issues.
